You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
