She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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