you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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