What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
