Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
