Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
