i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Everclear isn't food dammit
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
