ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
