I'm lost and stupid without you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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