I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
