I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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