Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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