Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
