I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
