the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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