dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
