thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
