i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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