I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
