took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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