he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
