Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
