my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
and she was petting her beer can
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
