Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
