so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
