The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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