Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
