so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
