Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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