I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
