Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize