Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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