Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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