He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize