i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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