Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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