What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
