Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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