Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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