If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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