I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
