well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
