if you like me you must not know who I am
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
