But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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