Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize