i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
