forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
