awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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