I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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