the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
