doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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