We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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