the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
