I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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