bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
