watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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