She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize