Cold hands, warm shart.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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