today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
And then he peed in my hair
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