I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
