Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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