If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
