On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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