Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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