You made me cry and you don't even care
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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