Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
