which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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