if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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