you guys were way drunker than both of me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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