Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
