never play flip cup with pint glasses
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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