fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
