It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
