where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you had me at cake vodka
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
