Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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