people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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