Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
