You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
