i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think my vagina is haunted
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
