By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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