I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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