So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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