Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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