Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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