You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
