is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize