Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
