If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
