the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
