I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
