my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
