dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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