and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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