Porn is love you can see.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
