i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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