Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
