Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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