she woke up with a sticky ear
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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