Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
