I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
