She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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