proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
