Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
