Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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