i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
