I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
