the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i dont even know how to be here
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize