I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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