a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize