okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
