:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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