I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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