i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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