Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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