We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My vagina just clenched in fear
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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