On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
